Save me, but Dont let me Live

Its been quite awhile i wrote something here..sorry
cuz my laptop is "dead" as you all know...
using my other laptop from KLANG right now =='
N so sorry..today I hav to write something, well..unhappy. For my 1st post after a long time of absent..

Note* The things Im gona write now are unimportant to you guys..so you can ignore what Im about to write and save up your time to do something much more meaningful..like hanging out more with your love ones.. closing the gaps, strenghtening the bond you guys have, and understand each other more when you have the chance, than reading the crap im writing here...I just wana express n vent out all the Compressed Grief~ by words..






Cold..typing in a air-cond room
Hands shaky zzz..sore throat =='..my feet are cold too..haiz..
but it cant compare to how my heart feels right now..Freezing numb

My buddy..(you kno who you are) thx fer listening to my complains..n so sorry you hav to sit infront of da comp n work out ur fingers to reply me n giving me ur ideas..thx
or else i dun even kno what to do and maybe you guys will see me in the news da next day ..haha



ok..here goes...

I don't know why we cant speak things out..EVERYTIME!!
If your talking bout Privacy...I have tons of reasons why Privacy policy dont work here..
FIND ME to know it !!!


I asked...

Who am I to U?
or
What am I to U?

You answer me "Is that a Question?"
Nice answer...
Now I know Im "Nothing". Thanks
原来我什么都不是...




I Sucks!!
know why?
I suck...Cuz I try to know everything bout you, understand what and how you think.
How you act towards certain circumstances so I know how to handle things when theres problem between us.
But what I get?.."I-Dont-Care" from U
Busy?..Alright..Check your inbox...or your call log..I dont think my messages nor Call duration are longer than anyone in your inbox.
Now your in your holidays..I asked you out..n try to talk face to face.
What I get?.."Dont want to talk, I dont know, Whatever sort of answer...and even answer that makes no sense.
I dont get it..You told me distance is a problem..No! Thats just an excuse, and I hav to be cruel to tell you the problem are U..ok Us..n I say U is bcuz u are not helping atall...even there is no distance the problem will still emerge one day.
I have try my best to overcome, and get to the point what was happening.
But you always fence up a wall, why?..What actuallly am I to U?
When it comes to us both, I can tell you everything. But why cant you?..not even when i asked.
I try to hold things together..why cant you help abit?..Cant you tolerate abit?
Sorry to say this , but sacrifice abit?..

You say I intrude your privacy, but do you know why I do that?..You don't know why..
You didnt even asked.
You can say Im a heavy thinker..easy jealous...childish...watsoever
I sucks..cuz I went through so many non of my bussiness thing
I sucks..cuz I try to make things right but your not giving any help atall and making it worst
I sucks..cuz everytime the problems will end up im da one whos get to blame.
I sucks..cuz I too softhearted to even scold you.
I sucks..cuz I fail to show you what your problem is and putting all the blame on myself.
I sucks..cuz I fail to know what are you thinking everytime.
I sucks..cuz I have to guess your thoughts everytime we had problems n fail to do so.
I sucks..cuz I always make you angry and dissapointed by asking you question that you refuse to answer.
I sucks..because I care so much bout both of us and it ends up Im intruding your privacy
I sucks..because you dont even telll me what you are unsatisfied with me.
How am I suppose to know what I do wrong when U dint tell me anything.
I cant read mind, Im no God...please...
I sucks..because I can sacrifice everything for U but you cant even sacrifice a minute for me.
I sucks..because in the past i woke up in 6am so I can send a Good morning to U while my class is in 2pm..
I sucks..because I stay up with U till 4am so tht I can hear ur Good night n say da same to U althou jz via SMS when my class is 8am in the morning and a presentation are waiting.
I sucks..because I thought someday you will realise and atleast acknowledge what I have done.

..Talk bout a minute...I had my phone on 24/7..ringing non stop for the ringtone when im a sleep so i dont miss a msg or a call from you.
I dont even dare to off my phone even in an exam..
Theres a time I even reply you in an exam having the risk I'll be catch for cheating.
Everytime a message comes in, the 1st thing I thought was U, but ends up disappoint everytime.
Now I have overcome that symptom cuz you told me you were too busy...
Ok..I understands..althou I do hope "once in a while" when you can actually "think of me" for only even one second..but..you never did..don't believe?..wana check my inbox? I nvr delete your msg..

*Snap*
Great...what I have been writing just now..I hope it doesn cause anymore misunderstanding or making u piss off..Im sorry..
If Loving U will make me sucks
I'll be a Sucker for all my entire life...
I love you...

p/s. sorry buddy..I kno ur gona scold me for this..but I'l remain to be a sucker for the rest of my life if i have to..n thx anyway..