I'm feeling so Alone

The stars are shining bright today..
I had lost count of how many are there.

It's 7am in the morning... my phone alarm rang.
Woke up from my 2 hours sleep, and I sent a message to my friends to make sure they are awake.
I pick up my clothes, my towels and my phone and went to bath.
Mum and Dad was awake. Both doing their own matters.
The atmosphere was tense and dark..
I don't want to care.
I don't want it to affect my enthusiastic mood for the day.

The warm shower hits me face first and down to my feet.
I had forgotten how long I have stop my breath before I reached for my toothbrush.

..."Do you ever think when you're all alone ...", my phone rang.
I didn't pick up; 'Ivan' is on the screen.

I buttoned my shirt, pulled up my jeans, strapped my belt and muffle my shoulder with a red checkered scarf.
A little wax and hairspray applied to my hair ; my phone rang again, with MSN alert tone this time - A message from Kent said he just woke up.

..."Do you ever think when you're all alone ..."
Ivan called again, urge me to make haste.
He don't want to get late for his date it seems.
Without taking my breakfast; I put on my 1 year old Nike, grab the keys, my bag and off I'm leaving to Sentral.

On my short journey to my car.
It was cold and humid.
I can felt the dampness from the air I breathe.
My hands were shaking as I reached for the door,
A sudden unease hits me in the heart.
Let's just hope nothing bad will happened today.

I reached Sentral and picked up Chris and Ivan; and Kent are next in the list.
A hashbrown down my stomach, my first meal for the day.
I changed place with Chris right after we fetched Kent.
He's driving us to the toll as he requested the day before.
I carry back my duty as the driver after we passed the toll.
And our journey on the highway begins...
It was tiring, since it's my first time on the highway.
Worrying I'll get alot of tickets because I'm driving way over the speed limit the whole journey.
I'm bad at controlling my feet, i must say.

We reached our destination in an hour plus.
It's 10am plus.
Plenty of time more to spend Ivan.. Don't worry..
But, next time could you atleast allow me to go eat before I wait for your friend?

I can felt my stomach are shouting for food, having a cramp/twisting inside.
We do our little surveying first while waiting.
A few pair of shoes are in my list, but sadly not the clothes.
Ivan's friend..well, our friends..reached at bout 12pm.
We have our brunch in "You Yi Chun" ; a HongKong style restaurant.
I have 2 glass of H.K. style Coffee/Tea to light up my spirit with the use of caffeine.
We pretty much spending most of our time in Sg Wang.
Because you know 'who' was loyally carry out his duty as a bodyguard.
That brings up memories, because I was once been there, done that but different person.
And also because our bad sense of direction,
Yes, we got lost inside.
We consume most of our time trying to find back those shop we have been.
And that's tiring.
After I bought a book and my shoes.
We went window shopping for a while in Times Square.
Until Chris heard bout her grandfather.
I'm very sorry to hear that, and so we head back home earlier.
Kinda disappoint i didn't get to shop in Pavilion, the first and last time I went was just accompanying someone for awhile there.
Looks like I had to wait again I see.

Another tiring hour trip back home.
My back and feet are aching from all the walking.
Lack of sleep is another problem.
The sun are bright in the evening, kinda warm.
But not when your expose to it like for an hour continuously.
I can felt the heat burning through my skin.
Enduring aching from my muscles, fatigue of my mind.
We still manage to reach home safely.
Kent was the first one to get home and Chris was next after we filled up my fuel tank.
Surprisingly, the journey back and forth only cost us RM40 ; half tank of my fuel.

The sun are still shining bright, way different from the start of my day.
I went home, alone.
A sudden loneliness, tiredness and emptiness.
Changed my clothes and went online.
As usual, something that I hope to see wasn't there .
Only thing different is that I'd already got used to it.

Took my keys again and went to my grandma's place to have my dinner.
I nap for 2 hours there and everything turns so ...fast
Suddenly everything speeds up, and I'm having difficulty differentiating between dreams and reality.
I'd lost my sense of time and conscious.

Went home after I've wash my face.
The cool water awakens me abit but the feeling of nausea still messing up my head.

Watch the stars again.
Abide from the arguments and complaints from my parents.
I can only watch things just get worst and worst.
I'm afraid,
afraid that one day everything will fall apart.
I had lost count of the stars I was counting.
Opened up my laptop and close myself in the room I was in right now.
Sign in my MSN, as usual..
something isn't there.

Wondering..why
Why your always the first person to pop up in my mind everytime when I'm need of that someone.


I miss my old life.
I miss my family back in the days.
I miss you.
I miss the naivety mind of mine when I was young.
I miss the warmth I have from everyone.
I miss the tear of joy and not the grieve.

I'm feeling so Alone.



1,2,3,4,5... counting the beats of my heart.
Listening to the sound of the crickets.
The dry cold air from the air conditioner.
The warmth from the heat of the laptop.

This is the only thing I have...



because there's you around,
nothing else matters anymore